Sharing

 Subject: Sharing.

I have never known, nor will I know the deep instinctual love of a sibling relationship which lives on long after the parents have passed away, or the fights for territorial  supremacy which give way to protective love if the bond is threatened by anyone else. The intimate knowledge between brothers and sisters, secrets which lie at the base of their relationship and the secrets shared throughout their own lifetime is an enigma to me who’s secrets are mine alone.

As an only child one prides oneself on one’s individuality and stoicism, an island set in a stormy sea. Independent to a fault concerned for one’s own self opinionated bond with yourself which you have manufactured in response to being alone.

“No man is an island” so the saying goes but the advantages of being emotionally self sufficient, or as near as one can be is in the genes of the only child, sharing even chromosomes is not required as you build social barriers through the need for self discipline. Some might call it shyness, some obtuse behaviour but the reserve you carry is strangely characterised by a strong willingness to let people in but only on your own terms.

Much is made of the need to share, to acknowledge the role others play in your life, both in its development and any successful attainment but the clutter of often noisy emotional conflict close to home makes for bewilderment unless you are prepared to be supine. Even long held points of view become  impediments to any sort of understanding, cherished ideals can be trashed in the maelstrom of a family argument and the only winner is the person not actually there.

It might be argued that because of the complexity of our intellect we should never embark on a relationship unless we are prepared to be mildly schizophrenic, offering only what others want to hear and certainly leaving aside any controversy but seems to me that without controversy you lose much of the thrust and value of free speech or even ‘free will’ which is hedged around by a need to constantly accommodate others. We have become, in our desire to share the planet, determined to close our eyes to what seems obvious, and then, adding insult to injury, we must apologise for our condition.

There are two a topics often banned in a pub, religion and politics because there is no firm way to judge right from wrong and because right and wrong only exist, objectively  in an ideological vacuum. We can have opinions but little else since too so much time has been invested growing that hot house plant, the family.

Only love and the devotion to the ‘ideal of family’, which hopefully we grew up with in our childhood  can carry the relationship through troubled waters and only then with a modicum of burning one’s principles can we hope to protect the one valued thing we have achieved, to leave behind, when we have passed away, a set of sensitive memories to be remembered by.