Parenting

Its strange the inherent meaning we conjure and bequeath to groups with a descriptive name, virtually sealing any further thought about them.
The scientist. The vicar. The doctor. The sergeant major.The film actor.The jockey. The parent. They are sealed in aspic with their full meaning and the role they perform set in stone. The vicar can't be anything but kind and understanding.The sergeant major, a tough loud disciplinarian. We know that our attempt to pigeon hole people in this way is lazy since the badge of office doesn't describe the badge holder. We hope that the vicar is kind and the the sergeant major understands the meaning of discipline but we can't be sure. We also can't be sure how to fully describe a good effective parent.
Parenting is a life skill for which we invariably sit no exam, and are required to, drive by the seat of our pants, into all kinds of unimaginable quirky corners. We sit on the side of common sense, we worry and create the worst kind of nightmares for ourselves. We await the dawn when all our good work will be repaid, the children grown happy to assume their own role in this helter skelter called parenthood.
I suppose the first thing we must dispose of is that the child's view of us is the same as ours is of the child. We the parent were the propagators of the child rearing experiment, the child was the ingredient in the cake, temperature too hot or cold and one had a failure on ones hands. In a way it was all experimental, the child could be looked on as some sort of experiment, lets try this and see what happens !!! 
Being outside any sort of consultation process the child begins to realise they been given at least one, maybe two "defectives", the grown ups are just not up to it. Eventually they find voice, usually in their teens and if ever you wanted to know just how short changed you were, now is the time.  
You may or may not recover their affection but don't assume any of those late night, two hourly, back rubbing, getting the wind up procedures, hold any bonus points in their eyes. All the things we did and of course, ones wife did a million more, seem to have been "a duty" nothing more, nothing less, the doctor to his patient,the vicar to his flock, the sergeant major to the men under his care they were all just doing a job as we were and you will not get any further acknowledgement, sad eh !