Getting old

 Subject: Getting old

When we were very young we needed guidance, lots of guidance from our parents because we were new to the world and knew little of its dangers. When we grow old apparently we need the same amount of guidance, not because we don’t know but because although we do know our knowledge doesn’t fit in with the the current fashion

There is also a deferment of our common sense approach since now we are judged, not by our accumulated knowledge but by our lack of mobility and balance which creates a picture of general degeneration. Our minds still hold the key to many occasions in the past when we were faced with similar situations and it’s human nature to evaluate that previous set of events with the current one. It’s not being unkind or disrespectful to differ with what one is told is a more modern better way if your experience leads you to question what is happening around you since questioning and having a different opinion is the essence of your identity. The fine balance between being assisted when you need assistance and being assisted when you don’t is a problem.  As you move from being an adult pillar to a crumbling post, the outward appearance often hides a steely resolve not to give in to the vicissitudes of life, to pull your weight and not be a burden. The trick is to convince those around you that you are not unmindful of their concerns but that, for today at least, you are much as you were yesterday and that though there will come a time when help is needed, hopefully it’s still some way off.

There is a desperate urgency not to fall out with your children in the belief that the bond is far too precious to tamper with in some silly display of hubris. And yet it's nor easy to hold yourself to that commitment when, for a host of reasons the gulf in reasoning has grown since the children first opted for their own persona. We egged them on to be strong minded and independent. We assumed they would end up sharing a great deal  of commonality and that arguments wouldn't spoil the relationship.  Unfortunately it's part of the divide we experience is our growing frailty, we the parents usually experience in virtually all aspects of our demeanour. From shaky limbs to a shaky memory, old age  charges the son or daughter with remorse at this irreversible demise from a strong forceful role of guardianship and a sense of providing security whilst growing up they are suddenly left holding the proverbial baby who now needs more and more of their attention just at a time when they have enough troubles of their own to contend with.

For the parent it's equally disturbing, this loss of a positive role to play in their children's lives. With their authority gone and in a greatly weakened state they cling to some sort self respect by insisting on their independence and self sufficiency. The problem is it's sometimes it's too late to find a compromise before stiff intransigence and harsh words damage a beautiful thing, the love between a parent and their child.