For most of us our lives are unpredictable, a set of chance happenings, of relationships which blossom out of nowhere and die, of chances taken or missed, of opportunities refused and sometimes regretted.
The essence of our lives starts at birth and proceeds until we leave a nest which has protected us as best it can from the bruises which occurs when we seek solutions through other people. In the beginning it's all about security and the constant attention a mother can bring to her child. Its only now when I see a replay in my own daughter and her unlimited compassion for her child do I reflect that I must have been the beneficiary at one time. The attention and the indefatigable energy a mother brings brings to the minute by minute needs of the baby and then of the the child, to subordinate herself beyond the call of duty brings benefits to the child, as yet untested.
The child's assumption that the world revolves around him or her is a fact of life for which the child will never know or understand. It's the babies normal world, a cry or a grimace tells the world around what is expected. This beautiful balance between need and the unmitigated willingness to provide what ever is required is the crucial period which forms the crucible for the child's character and its sense of security. The basis for mental assuredness is rooted in those early years, without it all the apparent security garnered by financial success is worthless.
Moving as, we must, into the company of others we discover they are not as accommodating as our mother was, they have their own mothers who fostered each child with its own sense of uniqueness and here the first clash occurs as we discover we are not so special after all and the tussle to remain afloat in a sea of conflicting egos is the start of a journey which will buffet us throughout our lives as we try to convince others of our worth. For some this 'worth seeking' manifests itself in searching for academic and financial prowess for others it finds its outlet in adventure and travel, one an outward sign of success the other an inward contentment.
The quiet encouragement to find what is important in our lives is offset by the nagging fear that the world is unaccommodating unless certain criteria are accomplished first but this is often realised long after the initial excitement of living for the hell of it has long passed. The families who set off in small yachts with young children, the couple who trekked around central South America on a motor bike with a 8 month baby, these are the people the actuaries could never put a price on but we were often more conformist with houses and mortgages, private schools and jobs to worry over.
Looking back they were great years which whilst you tied yourself to repayments the work and the growing family were a dynamic that you would never have imagined unless first having taken the plunge. We were part of a family of similar achievers, people who loved to party and were themselves part of their own optimism a dynamic which you fed off in a strange way. The economy was good and the aspirations largely met. The open door feature of the society meant that people were always welcome, a friendly visit turned into a party and a sleep over, the assumption being that your home should be shared was common.
All countries have their own flavour, the Italians and the Greeks, the Moroccan and the Egyptian, the Indian the Malaysian, the Singapores or the Papa New Guinean were all so different. From Japan to Sydney in the 60s. New Zealand, Tahiti to New York and Toronto. Watching the Niagara Falls or the Victoria Falls, climbing inside the Pyramids or listening to jazz in New Orleans it was all a precursor to married life and watching the children grow into the terrific people they have become was all a stepping stone to eventual retirement. Job done and not a bad one, even if I do say so myself.
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