Sunday 4 September 2016

Marginalised

Marginalised. Placed at the margin. At the edge, on the outside, separated.
This is a human condition which we progress towards in old age if we are not careful to continually repair bridges between ourselves and others.
The dynamic of youth generally manufactures many links between ourselves and those around you in fact you become quite blasé making and dropping relationships as you sift out who you are and what you want from life. We are also in danger of making too much of a friendship since, as always we view life through our own perspective, not the perspective of the friend. Personality characteristics might make forming relationships difficult in that some people hold themselves aloof whilst others are too inclusive.
The need to belong to a group, a tribe, a family is instinctive. The friendships formed in being a regular at a pub are different from the affinity you might find at work where you galvanise sub groups in the office to fend off the competition. A club is a fine example of mixing with people with common interests although outside the clubs interests you might have less in common but the camaraderie amongst club members whist engaged in the hobby or sport lends itself to that need most of us have, the feeling of belonging.
Some people don't need this human interaction, they are the archetype loner who shuns most attempts at being drawn in to the group and for many reasons prefers their own company. For them they marginalise themselves throughout their lives and wouldn't swop their lone path for the noise of the crowd for love nor money.
But most people are not loaners they enjoy the company of others with the proviso that the interrelationship is on their terms. The Friday night dominos session in the tap room, (ok I know I'm speaking a foreign language to those under 60) but the sound of the crash of the domino and the loud banter that went on between the players in the smoke filled room was an example of a subset of the tribe. Darts and snooker had a similar attraction for the regular, it combined a relatively non intellectual group around a specific skill set which if you were good, entered your name on the champions plaque for 1955, proudly displayed behind the bar.
As you grow older you tend to marginalise yourself for all kinds of other reasons. 
The yakety yak of conversation, "nothing important just catching up", so redolent of our craze of the mobile phone and the incessantly inane conversations and connections we continually make on them, becomes unattractive. In such a case, the peace of our own seclusion is a pleasure to be profoundly grateful.
The Buddhist undertaking meditation, the solitary hill walker, lost in your own thoughts all lead you to a place where the surrounding pull and tug for your attention is changed for inward contemplation where the competition is limited to your own 'thought process' and the internal search we all take on to find answers about ourselves.
It's cool to be "marginalised" so long as you are the instigator and the condition is of your choosing. Being marginalised against your will is another matter and involves that most pernicious feeling, that of being rejected but even here one eventually finds the mental space to grow again to once more take on the manual of being the single person you always were.

No comments:

Post a Comment